he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
