hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
