I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
