Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
