If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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