True but thats because hes a fetus.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
