I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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