I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
