i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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