Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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