he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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