9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
