Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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