i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
