That's when you crack a 10am beer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
