How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
