The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
