How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
