Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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