put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
