im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
