i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My life is pants optional.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
