she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
