What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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