So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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