the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
