Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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