I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
