Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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