I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
