I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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