you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
