So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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