I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
