I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
