Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
