its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
