Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
