are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
