Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
