he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
