im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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