Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
