I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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