i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
