Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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