hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
