I want to have your abortion
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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