I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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