We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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