This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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