Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish you could order shots online.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
