I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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