i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
