And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
